After feeling like I was never going to get married at one time, I also felt like an expert at what not to do as a single that wanted to get married or to be in a successful relationship. One thing for certain about myself, is that I always knew that marriage was in my future, how I was going to get there, now that was the issue.
Every time I turned around it seemed as if I was further and further away from the possibility. As any person would think, what is wrong with me, what am I doing wrong? You may even have people around you who make it seem as if you’re the problem, making you feel even worse, with the "it didn't work again's".
There came a point where I became fed up, and I started to stop playing the "woe is me" card, and took the bull by the horns, paying closer attention to the patterns. What was I doing that allowed me to attract people with similar characteristics? What was I willing to settle for and why? What was my opinion of myself? Here's what happened:
My bar was low. My bar was low because I wasn't feeling high about myself. I didn't get more- because I didn't think I deserved more. I was threatened by the thought of being alone, so I rushed into the next relationship without taking the needed time in between to see what I wanted next or to heal. I cared too much about the opinions of other people, listening to the outside voices back then, got me into a bunch of trouble- poor decision making. I was always too afraid to ask and demand. The threat of not having the person or relationship in my life because I put requirements or demands out there, left me empty-handed.
Five Tips to Thrive as a Single:
1. Time for you- allot time for yourself to introspect in between relationships. In this period, you will figure out what it is that you want in the next relationship. Set your standards and morals- get them straight, do some self-work. You may seek coaching or therapy for healing and growth.
2. Be approachable- don’t present so on-guard that no one wants to approach you. Do be observant so that you are safe and not trusting of everyone and everything.
3. Speak up- discuss the future upfront, that is right! Don’t be afraid to share your hopes dreams, desires and aspirations in the beginning. There is no time like the present. They need to know now that there in no need to play around with your feelings.
4. Loyalty & Trust- if it is broke, don’t try and fix it. If the person isn’t the loyal, trust-worthy type, don’t try and make it fit. This is not the person for you. Move on and fast! You can not commit to this.
5. Red flags- if there are signs in the beginning, you see them and feel them. Do not ignore them like the button on your phone. Run Forest, Run! Get to steppin!
Dating should be fun and not stressful. As a female dating, my advice to you is let the male pursue. Often what can happen when a female pursues, is that a male can already be involved, not speak up, and end up dating you both, or you three, or four. Remember a man finds his wife. When a man is ready, he commits, he is focused and relentless. Nothing stops his pursuit. Be flexible, open to dating, not taking anyone seriously, until their intentions appear serious.
You ask, what if no one’s approaching? My answer is you’re not ready to be approached. When you have done the work, you will attract what is yours. So, back to my story in the beginning, I was attracting -blah blah, because I was feeling blah blah. Then I attracted my King, because at that time I was feeling like a Queen! Keep this is mind this is a major jewel!
Soooo, are you Ready? Let’s Go! I have prepared you, now let’s see some results!
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